


Back to Normal

by penguingal, Schnaucl (Onetrackmind)



Series: The Fantasy of Every Red-Blooded American Male [9]
Category: Numb3rs
Genre: Bondage, Dom/sub, Incest, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-19
Updated: 2010-03-19
Packaged: 2017-11-21 06:47:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/594696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penguingal/pseuds/penguingal, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onetrackmind/pseuds/Schnaucl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of Deep Cover Ian returns to work for the first time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The months after Ian's memory loss passed slowly. Ian was put on paid leave while he recovered, leaving him a lot of time to indulge in Don and Charlie's bodies, separately and together. And after an almost epic round of cajoling and urging from both Eppes men, Ian had reluctantly agreed to start seeing Bradford on a regular basis. He disliked the idea of opening himself up to a stranger on principle, but Bradford's no bullshit attitude had helped him get past it.   
  
Finally, no one could avoid it any longer. Ian's memory had returned as far as it was going to, and there were no physical injuries to deal with. Two months after Ian walked out of the woods without any memory of who Don and Charlie were, the Bureau put him back on active duty, giving him the early alert there was a situation that might need his attention. He should be ready to go anytime within the next week.  
  
Ian read the e-mail over several times. Part of him was glad. He was rarely in one place for so long, and as much as he loved spending the time with Don and Charlie, he was itching to get back out in the field. Still. Charlie was not going to like this.  
  
Don might not be too crazy about it, either, but he would probably be more understanding. He'd have to break it to them as gently as possible.   
  
They were both coming over for dinner anyway and he was already planning to cook. He could tell them over the meal. Though he had been planning something fast and easy so Don and Charlie could get him in bed faster. Now, he had to revise that.   
  
He ran to the store for better ingredients, figuring even if he couldn't be there to eat what was in his fridge, Don and Charlie might in his absence.   
  
At least the Bureau had only put him on alert. There was always a chance that the situation wouldn't need him after all. And it did give him some time to ease Don and Charlie into the idea of him returning to work. They had been in full mother-hen mode for the last two months, and Ian hadn't seen any reason to dissuade them from it.  
  
Charlie got home first, and by the time he did there was a chicken roasting in the oven, a bottle of wine open on the table, and the fixings of a great salad set out on the counter.   
  
"Smells delicious," Charlie said, wrapping his arms around Ian. "What's the occasion?"   
  
"No occasion," Ian said, turning so he could kiss Charlie. "I just--wanted to tell you and Don something and thought we could talk over dinner."  
  
Dread immediately washed over Charlie's face. "What is it?"  
  
"I'll tell you when Don gets here. Promise," Ian said. "Don't worry about it until then."   
  
Charlie searched Ian's eyes. "They're sending you back to the field," he said flatly.   
  
It was a statement, not a guess or even a question. Lying would be pointless, so Ian didn't. "They put me on alert. I could have to leave anytime this week."   
  
Charlie nodded tightly but there was really nothing to say. This was Ian's job, and it was an integral part of who he was. He couldn't ask him to quit anymore than he could ask Don to quit, no matter how much he might want to on any given day. "Do you at least know where or how long?"   
  
"Minnesota. And it shouldn't be more than a week, if it even happens at all." Ian put his hand on the side of Charlie's jaw. "I'm sorry. I didn't think they'd send me back so soon."   
  
"But you've wanted to go. You've been restless for days."   
  
"Charlie..." Ian started, but he didn't get a chance to finish as Don opened the door and walked in.  
  
"Mmm, something smells deli--what's wrong?" Don cut himself off, taking one look at the tension between Ian and Charlie.  
  
"They're sending him back out," Charlie said softly.  
  
Don blinked. "Already?"   
  
"I'm afraid so," Ian said. "But if I even go it shouldn't be any longer than a week. It's not a sure thing yet."   
  
"I see," Don said, coming to stand behind Charlie and wrapping his arms around his waist. Based on the way Charlie leaned back into him, he was even more upset than he was saying. "And how do you feel about it?"  
  
Ian shrugged. "It's what I do. There's no reason for me not to be doing it right now. I'm back, I feel fine... it's just time is all." He paused. "C'mon guys. We all knew this was coming. Please don't make it harder than it has to be."   
  
Charlie sighed, reaching out and squeezing Ian's hand. He was right, they did all know it was going to happen sooner or later. "I'm sorry. Guess I just got used to having you around all the time," he said lamely. They all knew that wasn't really what was bothering him.  
  
Stepping forward, Ian kissed Charlie deeply, taking one of Don's hands and placing it around his own waist. Absently, Don caressed Ian's side.   
  
"Come on," Ian said, breaking the kiss finally. "That chicken is almost done and the table needs setting. And I need to finish making the salad."  
  
Don tugged at Charlie. "Let's go, Chuck, you can help me set."  
  
"Yeah," Charlie said faintly. He really didn't want to make this harder than it had to be. But it was also true he still had not infrequent nightmares where Ian never regained his memory. And sometimes he didn't believe them when they finally found him and either Don or Ian, or sometimes both, ended up dead.   
  
And truthfully, Ian hadn't gotten over his own nightmares, either. From time to time he still jerked awake suddenly, his breathing ragged. When he did, his hands always found him in the dark, clutching him hard, assuring himself he was there. The meetings with Bradford had helped, and the dreams were few and far between now, but they were far from gone.   
  
"I'm scared," Charlie admitted to Don once they were out of Ian's earshot.   
  
"I know," Don said, pressing a kiss to Charlie's temple. "Me, too. But at some point we just have to trust that he knows what he's doing. Can't keep a guy like Ian swaddled in cotton very long."   
  
"Can't you talk to someone, tell them he's not ready yet?" Charlie asked, knowing that even if Don could, he wouldn't.  
  
Don smirked. "You know the answer to that. Ian's strong. He's fine. And he'll be fine when he comes home."  
  
"You don't know that."  
  
"No, I don't. But I trust in Ian. I don't have any other choice. And neither do you. This is who he is. You know, I think he's been itching to get back for a while now. Keeping him longer is just going to make him resent it. He needs this. And maybe so do we. He needs to go out and come back safe and then we can all breathe a little easier."   
  
"Maybe..." Charlie said, putting the last fork in place. "Don. I just..."  
  
"Shh... I know," Don said, taking Charlie in his arms and holding him. "I'm going to be right here, okay? You won't be alone."   
  
"I know." He held Don tightly. "I'm so glad you're here."   
  
They were still holding each other when Ian came in carrying the salad and a platter of the chicken. "It really bothers you both that much? That I need to go?" Ian said, his voice soft.  
  
"We're just worried about you," Don said, letting Charlie go and walking over to Ian. "We want you to be okay."   
  
"And I know this is something you have to do or you wouldn't be you," Charlie said quietly. "I do know that. It's just--hard."   
  
"I know, baby," Ian said, kissing Charlie again. He reached out to Don and pulled him close, giving him his own kiss. "And I know it's not easy for you, either, partner."  
  
Don snaked his hand around Ian's waist. "We need you. All of you. So. You just come back yourself, okay?"   
  
"I'll do my best," he assured them. "I really don't think it'll be a problem. That was a pretty specific set of circumstances."   
  
He nudged Charlie and Don toward the table. "Eat. Before this fabulous dinner I made for us gets cold."  
  
Charlie couldn't help rolling his eyes. Ian was just too domestic sometimes, even for him, but he wasn't dumb enough not to listen. He dug into the salad with enthusiasm. "It was a specific set of circumstances, but that doesn't mean it can't be replicated. The probabilities--"  
  
"No math at the dinner table," Don interrupted, dragging Charlie over for a kiss.   
  
"Hey, when did that become a rule?"   
  
"Just now, baby brother. And just for tonight, okay? It's not going to help," Don said gently. He could feel the force of Charlie's pout, knowing he'd just taken away Charlie's main method of coping, but he couldn't stand to hear the probabilities that Ian could come home injured or hurt, or have a relapse. He couldn't hear it and knowingly let him go.   
  
"Okay," Charlie said. He was more than a little annoyed, but there was something in Don's voice that said not to argue about it.   
  
Reaching under the table, Don squeezed Charlie's knee, half apology and half promise to explain later.   
  
Ian coughed quietly, the tension at the table thick. "So, Don. How was your day?"   
  
"It was fine." He filled them in on the case he was working. Nothing that would require Charlie's unique talents. Or Ian's, for that matter.   
  
Charlie only half-listened to Don and Ian talk. He pushed the food around his plate, eating a bite now and then. It was delicious, as always, but his stomach churned at the idea of letting Ian go again. He felt petty and petulant and he hated it.  
  
"I hate this," Charlie said aloud during a lull at the end of the meal. "I hate having to be adult about this. I don't want you to go. I want you to stay here with me and be safe and--and..." He was starting to sound hysterical and he knew it.  
  
Ian was almost instantly at his side, down on his knees next to his chair and pulling him into an embrace. "Shh... shh, baby. It's okay."   
  
"No," he said tiredly. "It's really, really not." He closed his eyes.   
  
Ian stroked Charlie's back and held him close. He didn't know what to do. He knew this was hurting Charlie deeply, but if he passed on his assignment, wouldn't they just go through this all again at the next assignment and the next and the next? "What can I do?" he asked quietly.   
  
"Just -- hold me for a little while," Charlie said. "I'm sorry, Ian. I'm sorry."   
  
"Hush," Ian soothed. "Go settle yourself in the bedroom and I'll be in with Don in a minute. We should clean up in here, first."  
  
Charlie nodded miserably, kissing Ian once before getting up. Ian dropped his head as Charlie went, pushing himself up only to find Don leveling his gaze at him. "Yeah, I'm worried about him, too. I don't know what he needs."  
  
"Yes you do," Don said, pushing back from the table and helping Ian clear it. "When was the last time you showed him--showed either of us--your strength?"   
  
Don put the dishes he'd carried in the sink and left Ian there in the kitchen to go join Charlie in bed.   
  
Don was absolutely right. It had been too long. It was good to let Don and Charlie take care of him for a while, they needed to take care of him just as much as he needed to be taken care of. But the time for that had long since passed. No wonder Charlie was worried about him going out into the field again.   
  
But he didn't think that tonight was the night for it. Not when Charlie was still feeling so vulnerable and raw. Some other night, he might push Charlie's barriers all the way down so he could build them up again. Tonight he thought Charlie needed him to be gentle, and he hesitated for his own reasons. Deep down, parts of him still felt raw and broken, despite the fact that as far as anyone could tell, he was whole.   
  
And he had to be whole himself, completely in control before he could even think about trying to dominate Charlie or Don.   
  
Don and Charlie were already curled up together in bed. Ian rapped lightly on the door frame to let them know he was there.   
  
He sat down next to Charlie and pressed a kiss to his temple. "It's okay to be scared."   
  
Charlie rolled out of Don's arms slightly to look up into Ian's eyes. He tugged at Ian's hand, pulling him down next to them so he could snuggle shamelessly against him. "I am scared. For me and for you. When you didn't recognize us... that was the most awful experience of my life, feeling like I'd lost you and more importantly, that you'd lost us."   
  
"I know. I'm sorry," Ian said, feeling that old, familiar guilt wash over him.   
  
"You did what you had to do to stay alive and keep us safe," Charlie said dismissively. "I just can't help worrying about what might happen next time."  
  
Ian held on to Charlie mutely, caressing his back and shoulders and hair. He tried to think about his time in the woods, tried to remember not remembering Don and Charlie exactly as they were now. But that whole time was still a blank. He went into the woods and the next thing he knew, he was in Bradford's office. It shouldn't bother him that he didn't remember, but it niggled at him. Sometimes, in his dreams, he'd get flashes of things that took place in the woods, but he had no idea if they were actual memories or his subconscious mind trying to fill in the gaps. He sighed quietly, the whole thing just adding to his overall melancholy.   
  
Eventually, Don shifted to wrap around the both of them, adding the comfort of his presence.   
  
"We'll try to remember it's only one week, or less," Don said. "At least the first assignment should be short."   
  
"I'll be home as soon as I can," Ian assured them. "Charlie... I have my appointment with Bradford tomorrow afternoon. Maybe you should come with me."   
  
"I'll go if you want me to, but if you're thinking I need a psychiatrist of my own it'll probably have to be someone other than Bradford. I'm pretty sure he won't see me while he's seeing my brother and my lover. He probably wouldn't have seen you if he'd known about you and Don."   
  
"At least he can recommend someone for you," Ian said. "This was traumatic for all of us and I think it could help for you to have someone to talk to about it. Someone outside the FBI."   
  
"Okay." He knew better than to argue after they'd had such a hard time getting Ian to continue seeing Bradford. "So do you want me to go with you or do you want to just ask for a referral?"   
  
"Come with me anyway. He might want to chat for a few minutes, find out what's going on, before he recommends someone," Ian said, kissing Charlie's temple. "Besides, I always like the experience better when you're there with me, even when you just wait outside."   
  
"Okay. I'll go."   
  
"Thanks, baby," Ian said softly. He tightened his arms around Charlie, holding him as close as possible. Privately, he was hoping that Bradford would be able to help him either feel whole again or get him past it. He knew he was going to have to take care of Charlie's other need before he went out into the field again, and he was going to have to do that, soon.   
  
"You're welcome." Charlie reached back for Don, not wanting him to feel left out.   
  
Don snuggled against Charlie's back gladly. His lips found the back of Charlie's neck automatically, and his brother let out a soft sigh. So, he did it again, slipping his fingers underneath the hem of Charlie's shirt.   
  
Charlie's whole body was tense so he started gently massaging, catching Ian's eye.   
  
Ian gently tipped Charlie's face up to him, kissing him slow and soft. He ran his hands into Charlie's hair, massaging his scalp in slow circles.   
  
Charlie moaned softly and gave himself over to Ian and Don. He stroked Ian's back and put a hand on Don's knee. He knew they needed comfort, too.   
  
Slowly, Ian worked Charlie's shirt off, exposing his chest to him and leaning down to kiss his collarbone. He caressed Charlie's skin, letting his mouth explore his lover. "Let us make love to you, tonight," he murmured, using his tongue to trace the shell of Charlie's ear.   
  
"Okay," he said softly. He turned slightly to capture a kiss from Don. "That okay with you?"   
  
Don returned Charlie's kiss with a soft and tender one of his own. "Definitely. Like having you between the two of us, falling slowly apart for us."   
  
"I like it too," he said softly. He kissed Don again, then turned his attention back to Ian.   
  
Ian continued his slow exploration of Charlie's skin, licking and nipping at his sensitive places systematically. He worked Charlie's pants open, slipping his hand inside and stroking his cock languidly.   
  
Charlie moaned softly and pressed into Ian's hand while reaching back for Don.   
  
"God, I love it when you moan like that," Don murmured in Charlie's ear. He plastered himself to Charlie's back, letting him feel the promise of his erection through their pants. He lifted his eyes to Ian's face. "Love it when you do that to him."  
  
Smiling, Ian leaned in enough to capture Don's lips in a sensual, passionate kiss.  
  
Charlie relaxed a little, watching Don and Ian connect. One of the side effects of him getting so worked up was that Don got shortchanged, and he didn't want that.   
  
Don held Ian in place as they kissed, Charlie still moaning softly as Ian worked his cock expertly. Soon, all three men were panting as the arousal spiked. By wordless consent, they broke off what they were doing to lovingly strip each other naked and return to the bed in a tangle of arms and legs. Don pulled Charlie on top of him, claiming a turn with his mouth, his hands running down to cup Charlie's ass.  
  
"Tell us what you want," Ian murmured in Charlie's ear, curled up next to them.   
  
"I want you, inside of me," Charlie murmured. "And then your mouth on Don," he said, leaning in to give Don another kiss.   
  
"And my mouth?" Don asked, arching up to rub their erections together, eliciting a gasp from his brother.   
  
Charlie's mouth hung open for a moment as the pleasure arced along his spine. "On me. Want your mouth on me."  
  
In reply, Don claimed Charlie's mouth deeply, feeling Charlie lose himself in this kiss until a gasp signaled Ian's fingers opening Charlie up.   
  
Charlie moaned and shivered. "Ian, Don."   
  
Ian prepared Charlie thoroughly, enjoying each sound that flowed over Charlie's lips, watching as Don nibbled on Charlie's pulse point and slowly worked down over his collarbone. "Love you both. Love having you under me."   
  
"We love you, too," Don said, reaching past Charlie to brush Ian's knee with his fingertips.   
  
Charlie just nodded and whimpered, pushing back into Ian's hand. Taking the hint, Ian slipped his fingers free and slid deep inside. He pulled Charlie onto his knees, giving Don room to slide down the bed and take Charlie's cock in his mouth.   
  
God, how he loved having the dual stimulation of Ian and Don. He didn't know whether to rock back or forward.   
  
Don sucked noisily, letting Charlie hear his enthusiasm for this particular activity. Ian's rhythm was steady, almost languid, and Don matched it easily.   
  
"Fuck, oh fuck," Charlie chanted, the slow burn of pleasure starting to wrap around his brain, taking away the higher thought processes and letting him stop thinking about all the things that could happen to Ian out in the field.   
  
All he could feel now was pleasure and love and joy.   
  
When Charlie was finally reduced to soft whimpers and his thighs were trembling, Don knew he was close. Ian knew the signs, too, and kicked his pace into high gear, fingertips digging into Charlie's hips. Don just relaxed his throat, letting Ian's momentum push Charlie into his mouth as he sucked.   
  
Charlie couldn't hold on for very long, not with Ian driving him into Don. He came hard, crying out a mixture of Ian and Don's name.   
  
Don swallowed eagerly, suckling on Charlie until a soft whimper of discomfort let him know it was too much. Pulling off, he slid back up the bed to kiss Charlie, sharing their combined taste and soothing him as Ian thrust harder and faster to his own release.   
  
Ian panted against Charlie's skin as the aftershocks faded, then slowly lowered him to Don's chest, letting the two brothers curl around each other as he recovered.   
  
Charlie wrapped his arms around Don and kissed his throat lazily. "Don," he whispered.   
  
"Charlie..." Don moaned. His cock was trapped between their bodies and listening to both Charlie and Ian orgasm was enough to make his need surge through him.   
  
"Tell me what I can do for you," Charlie murmured.   
  
Don kissed Charlie. "Let me have Ian's mouth," he said, stroking Charlie's back and looking over at Ian with dark, lust-filled eyes.   
  
Charlie obediently moved to the side to give Ian access.  
  
Ian gave Don a slow, wicked smile.   
  
Shivering under Ian's gaze, Don beckoned to him and tried desperately to remain still as Ian crawled over his body. "Ian," Don murmured, his lips brushing his lover's as Ian hovered over him. "Need you."  
  
Slowly, Ian lowered his mouth to capture Don's lips in a searing kiss before working his way down Don's body.   
  
Don's toes curled in pleasure before Ian ever reached his cock. Ian's low chuckle only made him harder.   
  
He reached out for Charlie and squeezed his hand, tugging him close enough to kiss him deeply, trying to distract himself from Ian's wicked teasing. Finally, Ian sucked just the head of Don's cock between his lips and Don let out a long, grateful moan.   
  
Charlie swallowed Don's moan and let a hand brush across his nipples just as Ian increased his suction.   
  
Don arched as the pleasure surged through him, hitting him hard enough to make him wail into his kiss with Charlie. He was panting as the tide ebbed. "Yes. God yes, Ian. Please. Please."  
  
Relenting, Ian sucked Don in an easy rhythm, letting him thrust shallowly into his mouth as the ripples of pleasure worked through him. He dropped one hand to play with his balls, rolling them around as he sucked and getting high gasps of encouragement in response. Don's legs started to tremble under his hand, and Ian slipped one dry finger just between his cheeks.   
  
Don almost whimpered. "Ian, please!" His free hand tangled in the sheets as he tried to hold on.   
  
At last, Ian took Don all the way in and slid off, fast and hard, letting Don's world contract to all the points of heat and pressure along his cock.   
  
"Ian!" Don cried out, arching as he finally broke and came   
  
Ian continued to lick and suck until Don made a sound of discomfort. Then Ian withdrew and pulled Don into his arms.   
  
"Ian," Don sighed, settling against his chest. He reached back to pull Charlie around him, letting himself have a little of what Charlie got by being sandwiched between his two lovers.   
  
Charlie kissed Don's shoulder, stroking his side tenderly. "Feeling good?"  
  
"Mmmhmm," Don practically purred, snuggling back against his brother. "How about you?"   
  
"Very good," Charlie agreed. "Ian?"   
  
"Better than good," Ian said, kissing first Don and then leaning over him to kiss Charlie. "Think you guys can get some sleep now?"  
  
"If Don lets me have my spot back," Charlie teased.   
  
"Do you really want it? I'm kind of enjoying being in the middle."  
  
"Nah," Charlie said, leaning over to kiss Don's temple. "You deserve time in the middle, too."   
  
"Thanks, buddy," Don said, capturing Charlie's lips and letting himself get lost in the kiss.  
  
Ian watched them kiss for a long time, until he couldn't take it any more. "Okay, okay, my turn," he said, turning Don so he could share in the taste of the two brothers.   
  
Charlie grinned as Don groaned into the kiss.   
  
When the kiss broke, Don clung to Ian for a moment, panting lightly. A little spark of Ian's old dominance and possessiveness had been in the kiss, and it made Don's head swim. He could only hope that it signaled a return of the rest of Ian's dominant traits. It wasn't until they weren't readily available anymore that Don realized how badly he needed it.   
  
"Okay?" Ian asked, brushing his thumb across Don's full lips.   
  
Don's tongue darted out to lick at the pad of Ian's thumb. "Very okay," he murmured. He snuggled down into Ian's heat, resting his head on his shoulder again and letting his eyes close.  
  
Charlie locked eyes with Ian over Don's body, not entirely sure what had just passed between them, but knowing something significant had.   
  
"Ian?"  
  
"It's okay, baby. Everything's fine. Just relax and help me cuddle with your brother."   
  
Charlie did as he was told without protest, curling around Don. There'd been a note in Ian's voice he realized he hadn't heard in a long time, and his body automatically responded to it.   
  
He lay awake for a while, one hand over Don's chest as he thought about that.   
  
Ian could feel that Charlie was still awake, and he rested his hand on Charlie's arm, stroking gently until he could feel Charlie relax the rest of the way into sleep. If nothing else, the whole evening had made it clear that Don was right. They both needed him to recover his ability to dominate them, have them trust him enough to do so, or they'd never be able to trust him enough to let him go on his assignment.   
  
And he really didn't want to go through this every time. He was meeting with Bradford tomorrow, but he wasn't sure how much he should share with him, particularly with Charlie there.   
  
Still, if there were anyone who could help him figure this out, it was going to be Bradford. He thought he could talk about the problem without talking about the problem. He drifted off to sleep still turning it around in his mind.   
  
Things weren't exactly better the next morning, but Charlie did at least seem slightly more relaxed.   
"What time is the appointment with Bradford today?" Charlie asked as Don and Ian got ready for a shower after their morning run.   
  
"1 o'clock," Ian replied. "You want to meet me there?"   
  
"Sure." He gave each of them a quick kiss and left for work.   
  
"I'm glad you're having him come with you today," Don said, tossing his running clothes in the hamper. "I think he needs it."  
  
"I think he needs me," Ian replied softly. "But talking with Bradford can't hurt." He grabbed Don's wrist as he walked past for the shower.   
  
"Thanks. For reminding me that there's things you need from me. I promise I'll make it up to you. Both of you."   
  
"You're welcome. But Ian, it's okay that you needed to lean on us for a while, too."   
  
Ian gave Don's wrist another squeeze, enjoying the way Don's eyelids drooped just slightly. "Thanks, partner. I'm just ready for things to get back to normal now."   
  
"I think we all are."   
  
He pulled Don in for a swift kiss and then let him go.  
  
....  
  
Ian arrived at Bradford's office a few minutes early, catching the psychiatrist getting himself a cup of coffee in the waiting room.   
  
"Agent Edgerton," Bradford greeted, holding out his hand. "Coffee?"  
  
"Thanks," Ian said, nodding. "Listen, I invited Charlie to join me today. He's been--unsettled since my memory loss and..."  
  
"And?"  
  
"I'm on alert. My first assignment back."  
  
Bradford nodded. "I take it Charlie's not handling it well."  
  
"Part of it is my fault. Our relationship has certain dynamics to it that I've been neglecting."  
  
"Certain dynamics?" Bradford prompted, handing Ian a cup of coffee. "Can you elaborate?"   
  
Ian licked his lips, hoping Bradford would reach the right conclusions without him having to be explicit. "Sometimes, Charlie needs strength, he needs to be reminded that the whole world doesn't rest on his shoulders. I provide that for him. I take him out of his head for a while in a completely safe environment."  
  
Bradford studied Ian's face, parsing his carefully chosen words. "I see. And this that you do for him is of a sexual nature, am I right?"  
  
Getting a glance away and back from Ian was as good as a yes and Bradford nodded again. "So, what's been holding you back?"  
  
"Myself. I don't feel like me and I don't feel like I have the right amount of control to do what I want to do for him safely."   
  
"The right amount of control over yourself? Or do you think Charlie won't trust you?"   
  
"I think Charlie has lost trust in me. He doesn't trust me to be able to care for myself out in the field, which is why he's so scared. And I can earn that trust back, but I need to trust myself first."   
  
Bradford nodded thoughtfully. "In what way don't you trust yourself?"   
  
"I don't know, Doc." Ian sipped his coffee, leaning on the chairs in the waiting room. "I hate that I have gaps in my memory still. I feel like I _should_ remember everything. I feel like something is wrong with me because I can't remember."   
  
"I know this probably won't help, but no one remembers every day. Do you think there's something particularly important you don't remember?"   
  
Ian thought about it. "I wish I remembered seeing Charlie's face for the first time after being away for three months, out there in the woods," he said quietly. "Being outside agrees with him."  
  
"And how would seeing him for the first time out in the woods have been different from seeing him here in my office for the first time?" Bradford prodded.   
  
"I would remember that he loved me enough to come looking for me."  
  
Bradford shook his head. "Man, come on. Is that what it would take for you to finally believe once and for all that Charlie loves you, faults and all? That you're worthy of having him love you? Come here," he said, waving Ian into his office. He reached into the bottom drawer of his desk and pulled out an FBI file.  
  
"I thought at some point you might need to see this. This is the report Don wrote about the whole incident, including a statement from Charlie. It covers how they knew something was wrong, their determination to look for you themselves with Don's team, all of it." He handed the file to Ian. "Do you really need more than that?"   
  
"I don't know what I need. That's part of the problem."  
  
Bradford thought for a moment. "I'm going to ask you another one of those intrusive questions. There's no judgment, I've never seen any indication that the relationship between you and Charlie is anything but consensual. When you show him your strength in bed, does that involve intentionally causing him pain?"   
  
Ian shook his head. "No, that's not part of our dynamic. I just make sure that he knows he's not in control anymore. Sometimes that requires restraints, physical and verbal."   
  
"Have you ever accidentally caused him physical pain?"   
  
"I've left bruises sometimes. We can be a little... vigorous. I'm sure I've unintentionally caused him some discomfort. Minor discomfort."   
  
"What are you afraid will happen? Do you think you'll hurt him? Do you think you'll forget again?"   
  
Ian looked down at his hands. "I don't know. I don't want to hurt him. And if I don't have complete control over myself, I might."   
  
"Have you had a problem with that before? Not necessarily during sex, but any other time, with anyone? There was that incident with Buck Winters."   
  
"Make no mistake Dr. Bradford, what happened with Buck Winters was very, very controlled," Ian said, his voice low. "A shoulder hit and a broken arm would have been the least of his worries if I had lost control."   
  
"Have you lost control?"   
  
"Not with a suspect. Never."  
  
"Tell me something. Has Charlie ever had to use a safeword with you?" Bradford asked mildly.  
  
Ian looked for a moment like he wasn't going to answer and then he nodded. "Once. I misread the situation, went in a direction he didn't like."  
  
"And did you honor it?"  
  
"Immediately. Without hesitation."   
  
"So are you concerned that he won't feel safe enough to use a safe word or that you won't honor it if he does?"   
  
"I'm afraid he won't feel safe enough to let go for me in the first place," Ian said.   
  
"Have you talked to him about it?"   
  
"Talked to me about what?" Charlie asked, knocking lightly on the open door to Bradford's office.   
  
"Ian was just telling me a little more about the dynamic you have between the two of you," Bradford replied, gesturing the two of them into chairs. "A dynamic Ian feels like he's been neglecting."   
  
"Oh?" Charlie asked carefully.   
  
Unselfconsciously, Ian ran a hand through Charlie's hair. "I haven't let you see my strength lately, have I? I've been letting you take care of me and neglecting you."  
  
Swallowing, Charlie leaned a little into the touch. That's what had been in Ian's voice last night, the note of command that he used when Ian wanted his compliance. "I haven't felt neglected," he said finally.   
  
"Are you sure about that?" Ian asked gently.   
  
"It was just my turn to take care of you, that's all," Charlie said. "You always take such good care of me, Ian."  
  
"I can't help but notice that you didn't answer the question," Bradford prodded. "From what Ian told me, he takes care of you in a very specific way. Did you miss it? Did you miss him?"  
  
Charlie's throat went a little dry, and eventually he nodded. "Yes, I missed him."   
  
"Would you trust him to take care of you that way again?"  
  
Charlie frowned. He was a little uncomfortable with a stranger apparently knowing so much about their sex life, but he was sure it was important. Ian had never been one to kiss and tell. "Why wouldn't I?"   
  
"Even after Ian's memory loss? You're not worried he's not the same man?" Bradford prodded.  
  
"Of course he's the same man," Charlie replied. "He'd never hurt me. Even when he didn't know who I was he couldn't hurt me."   
"No?" Ian asked hoarsely. He still thought it had been luck more than anything else.  
  
"Ian--c'mon. It's not like you were running around killing everybody you came across. You were never like that. And when I told you who I was, you believed me almost immediately. It might have been because Don was standing there with his FBI badge, but I don't think that's all it was."   
  
"Well, how about that. What do you think, Ian? Think Charlie is right?" Bradford said.  
  
Ian looked at Charlie in open amazement. "Yeah, I think he's right. He usually is. Then you trust me enough for me to go back to work?"   
  
Charlie looked away. "That's different."   
  
"Why?" Bradford asked. "What is it about Ian going back to work that's different?"   
  
Charlie just looked at him for a minute. "Everything," he said flatly. "I don't have to wonder where he is or what he's doing, or if he remembers who I am. And I know that all that is part of the job and I know that if Ian didn't do this, he wouldn't be the same person. But that doesn't keep it from scaring the shit out of me. And you want to know what the kicker is? If it happens, it's because he's trying to protect me." Charlie bit his lip. "I don't want to lose him again." Finally, he fell silent.  
  
Ian took his hand and squeezed it. Any promises he would make would be friviolous and unhelpful. "I don't know what to do, Charlie," he said quietly. "Do you think a display of strength from me at home tonight... do you think it would help?"   
  
"I don't know. I just--don't know what will help."   
  
"Well, Charlie, I can at least tell you that this kind of anxiety after a loved one has suffered a traumatic event is normal," Bradford said. "Usually, it fades over time, especially as the loved one returns to a normal life and stays healthy. But if you feel that it's adversely affecting you, then you should talk to someone about it."   
  
There were things he wanted to say, but they were bitter, nasty things, and he kept his mouth shut. "I'll think about it," he said finally.   
  
But Ian heard loud and clear that there were things Charlie was purposefully not saying, and he frowned. Looking closely at Charlie, he squeezed his hand again.   
  
Charlie tried to give him an encouraging smile, but he knew it was falling short.   
  
Bradford looked between the two of them, knowing there was some kind of silent conversation going on and just waiting for it to come to a conclusion. "I'll give you a few names of therapists that I trust, all good guys. Any one of them would take you on."   
  
"Thanks." If he thought it would really help, he'd check into it. Part of him knew he should just let it go because he was making it harder on Ian and Don. Another part of him was just -- furious. And maybe that was part of the problem.   
  
Bradford looked at his watch. "Well, we've got about ten minutes left. Anything else you two want to talk about?"  
  
Just then Ian's phone rang and he grabbed it, giving Bradford an apologetic look. He stepped away from him and Charlie. "Yeah, Edgerton. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I understand." He took a deep breath and turned back to Charlie. "I have a go. I need to head out tomorrow."   
  
Charlie's shoulders slumped and he nodded.   
  
Ian put a gentle hand on Charlie's shoulder, resisting the urge to kiss him. "If you don't mind, I think we should cut this short. I have a lot to get ready before I go."  
  
"Just one question," Bradford said, stalling him. "How do you feel?"  
  
"Ready."   
  
"Then I wish you good luck," Bradford said, extending his hand.   
  
"Thank you. For everything," Ian said, shaking Bradford's hand. Charlie stood and gave Bradford half a smile before following out in Ian's wake. Once they were inside the garage, Ian stopped.   
  
"You have classes to get back to?" he asked, taking Charlie in his arms and kissing him softly.   
  
Charlie shook his head. "No. I'm done for the day. I have some papers to grade, but they can wait."   
  
"Good. Thanks for coming today."  
  
"Sure. We should call Don. Tell him the news."   
  
"I'll call him on the way home." Ian stroked Charlie's back. "Come back with me. I want you all to myself for a while."   
  
"Okay." Don could always drop him off in the morning. He ran a hand lightly up Ian's arm.   
  
Ian gave him a swift, tender kiss and then urged him into the truck. They drove in comfortable silence for a while, Charlie's hand just resting on Ian's thigh.   
  
"You know how much I love you, right?" Ian started softly. "And you know you can always say what's on your mind and I'll still love you just as much?"   
  
Charlie offered a smile. "I know." But there were things everybody kept to themselves because sometimes it was better to avoid a fight nobody could win.   
  
"So you're really not going to tell me what you wanted to say back in Bradford's office?" Ian asked after a long few beats.   
  
Charlie sighed. "I don't want to pick a fight with you. Can we just leave it at that?"   
  
"I don't know. Can we?" Ian asked mildly. "I have a feeling if we do, whatever it is will just eat at you and I love you too much to just let it come to that."   
  
"Why don't you let me worry about me and you can call Don?"   
  
Frowning, Ian said nothing and reached for his phone. He had seen Charlie devastated, worried, scared, sad, and annoyed, but he didn't think he'd ever seen him this kind of furious. And he was at a loss to explain it properly. All he wanted was for Charlie to _talk_ to him, tell him what was causing all this turmoil. Somehow he didn't think anything short of chaining him up and breaking down his barriers one by one would get him to talk.  
  
As soon as Don answered, Ian recounted the situation, knowing he would get Don's promise to come see him as soon as he was finished with work. "Sounds good, partner. Charlie and I are headed to my place now, so just let yourself in."   
  
Charlie stared out the window. He wished they had more time before Ian had to leave, in part because if this wasn't the last night he'd just go home and give them both time to cool off.   
  
Ian let the silence go on after he hung up with Don, mostly because they were close to the apartment and if they were going to fight, he really didn't want it to take place in the car. After taking half a second to think about it, he wholesale rejected the idea of chaining Charlie up. Getting him to talk wasn't what it was for, and he was sure it would only serve to violate Charlie's trust.   
  
He let Charlie into the apartment and leaned on the door after locking it. "No," he said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"No, I won't let you worry about you. I want to know what's going on inside that genius brain of yours. I'm asking you to tell me."   
  
"And I'm asking you to _back off_ ," Charlie said heatedly.   
  
"No," Ian said, deliberately keeping his voice even. He didn't want Charlie to feel at all threatened. "It's more than you just being worried I won't come back with my memory in tact. If you're pissed at me for taking this assignment, I'd rather you just said so."   
  
"Is that what you want to hear? Fine. I'm pissed you're taking this assignment."   
  
"That's not all it is though, is it?" Ian pushed. He still hadn't moved from the door and was leaning on it with his arms crossed. "Come on, tell me the rest of it. Unload. Both barrels. I can take it."   
  
"Well I'm not sure we can."   
  
Ian paused at that. Instinctively, he knew that if this was big enough that Charlie was worried about it tearing them apart that he should move slowly. Pushing off the door at last, he made his way to Charlie but didn't attempt to take him in his arms. "Charlie, in every way that is important to me, you are my spouse. And that means we go through thick and thin together. I'm not going anywhere. Please, tell me what's wrong."   
  
Charlie closed his eyes, pained. "Why can't you just--" he broke off, his hands curled into fists. But he'd lost this fight before it even started, which was why he'd wanted to avoid it in the first place. He was stubborn, but he had nothing on Ian when Ian really wanted something.  
  
He opened his eyes and looked at Ian. "I'm angry at you, okay? It's not fair, but there it is."   
  
"You're angry at me," Ian repeated carefully. "For forgetting who you are. For forgetting our life together. For constantly being in danger. Right?"  
  
Charlie clenched his jaw. "Yes," he said, his voice tight. "And I'm angry because there's nothing I can say or do that will make the slightest bit of difference. And I know that you have to go out and save the world and put yourself in danger and most of the time I love you for it. But sometimes, Ian, sometimes I really fucking hate you for it, and this is one of those times."   
  
Charlie's words landed like a sucker punch to the gut, and he fought not to flinch. He understood the emotion completely, but they both knew that Charlie was right. He wasn't going to change. Lightly, he put his hands on Charlie's elbows, just barely holding him in his arms. "Is there anything else?"   
  
Charlie gave a bitter laugh. "Isn't that enough?"   
  
"It's a lot," Ian admitted. "But we're not doing this halfway. If there's more, you should tell me."   
  
"That's it."   
  
Ian took a deep breath and pulled Charlie tightly into his arms, stroking his curls. He kissed his temple and his neck, murmuring in his ear, "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."   
  
"So am I," Charlie said tiredly. He'd never wanted to have this conversation. He'd never wanted to hurt Ian.   
  
"I know," Ian murmured. He tipped Charlie's head up and planted a long, deep, healing kiss on his lips. "Come on. Come to bed with me. Let me just hold you for a while. I know it doesn't make anything better, but I think it'd help us both out."   
  
Charlie nodded. All the fight had gone out of him. Now he just felt -- empty. Or maybe like he was grieving. Hard to tell.   
  
Ian shucked his shoes and socks and stretched out on top of the covers, opening his arms for Charlie to snuggle against his side. They laid there quietly for a while, Ian stroking his hand through Charlie's hair. "You know, I get it. I can understand you hating me right now. I'd probably hate me right now, too," Ian finally said quietly.   
  
Charlie flinched. It was true but he still shouldn't have said it. "I don't want --" He clenched his fists again. He didn't want to hate Ian. Ever.   
  
Soothing him again, Ian pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I doubt it makes it better, but you know what helps? Or at least what helped me be sure I was ready for this assignment?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You. Knowing if something went wrong, you'd have my back. You didn't have to come out to the woods to find me yourself, but you did. You risked yourself for me. And I know you'd have done anything to find me." Ian took a deep breath. "That shouldn't be comforting. I should worry about you even more now. But it does help."   
  
"Ian-- of _course_ I had to come look for you myself. I couldn't just let Don and his team search. Besides, we didn't know what had happened. We thought -- if anyone could bring you back it would be me. And Don."   
  
"That's my point, Charlie," Ian replied. He turned his head to look Charlie in the eyes. "Not everyone would have done what you did. And I know, whatever happens, you're here making sure I come back. You and Don."   
  
"We try. For a second there I wasn't sure--"   
  
"Wasn't sure of what, baby?"   
  
"You had a gun. Pointed at Don. And you didn't know who he was."   
  
Ian felt sick to his stomach. He'd been told about how Don and Charlie found him, but he didn't remember it himself. And he hadn't let himself imagine it, either. "You must have been so scared," he murmured, holding Charlie tighter.   
  
"I wasn't sure then if you were still you. There'd been some discussion that you might have gone native, in which case, with Don as an FBI agent... I thought--I thought I might have to watch--"   
  
"Shh, shh," Ian soothed, kissing Charlie deeply to stop his words from tumbling out. He would never have forgiven himself, not ever if he'd hurt--or killed--Don. It would have been the end of him in more ways than one.   
  
Charlie just held on tightly, exhausted.   
  
"I'm so sorry," Ian said again. "I could have--you and Don, I could have--" He swallowed hard, not able to voice the complete thought. The only thing he could do was kiss Charlie again.   
  
"So don't forget us."   
  
Ian squeezed Charlie tight. "I won't, ever again. Even if I think I'm protecting you because I'm probably more of a danger to you than if I don't."  
  
Charlie swallowed hard and kissed Ian's chest.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Ian tried to push the conversation to the back. It was hard and brutally honest, but it had needed to be said. "I really do love you, Charlie."   
  
"I love you, too, Ian. I don't want you to ever think otherwise. Even when I'm mad at you, I love you."   
  
"I'm glad," Ian replied. "Maybe we should try to get some rest? Don will be here in a few hours."   
  
"Okay. But Ian, you know I mean it, right?" he asked, searching his gaze. "I may be angry you're going, and scared, but I still, always, love you and want you to come back safe."   
  
Ian cupped Charlie's jaw in his hand, drawing him forward and kissing him gently. "I know you mean it," he said. "And I am going to come back safe to you, if I have anything to say about it."  
  
"Okay," Charlie said, pressing their lips together once more before settling down next to him.


	2. Chapter 2

They were still dozing and clinging to each other when Don let himself in a few hours later.   
  
Don just let himself look for a moment. Not surprisingly, Ian woke up almost as soon as Don entered the room while Charlie slept on, oblivious.   
  
"Hey there, partner," Ian murmured, holding a hand out to Don.   
  
Don walked over to Ian, taking the hand and squeezing it. "Everything okay?"  
  
Nodding, Ian glanced over at Charlie. "Yeah. We just had a difficult conversation is all. A conversation Charlie didn't want to have. And now I need you to do something for me."   
  
"Of course, anything."   
  
"Get my cuffs out of the drawer, and wake Charlie up. I need you both to take care of me just a little longer," Ian said. "Please."  
  
Don looked closely at him and then leaned down to press a kiss to his lips. "It was that bad? The conversation?"  
  
"It wasn't good. And I need to show Charlie that I know he loves me."   
  
"What about you? Are you okay?" He could guess at least some of what Charlie had said.   
  
Ian nodded side to side, mostly yes, a little no. "I'm bruised, but I'll live. This will help." He nodded toward the night stand. "Go ahead, get my cuffs."  
  
"Long chain or short chain?" Don asked. He didn't know if Ian was going to need the hook or if chaining him to the bed would be enough.  
  
"Long chain."   
  
Don nodded and got the cuffs, chain, and other supplies out.   
  
Somehow, during the conversation with Don, Charlie had barely stirred. Once the supplies were set out, he motioned for Don to join him on the bed and started the procedure of waking Charlie up: a kiss to the forehead, then one over each eyelid, Don's hands snaking around his waist and pressing a kiss to the back of his neck, and finally, a probing kiss on the lips, asking him for entrance. He knew Charlie was waking up when he kissed him back.   
  
Charlie's eyes opened. "Ian?" he said anxiously.   
  
"Hi, baby," Ian purred. He opened his mouth to say something and then looked almost helplessly at Don.  
  
"Buddy, Ian needs us to do something for him. You feeling up to it?" Don asked.  
  
Charlie turned his head to look at Don and then looked carefully around the room, noting the cuffs hanging open from the hook in the ceiling, _Ian's_ cuffs. His breath caught and he turned back to Ian. "Really?"   
  
"Yeah, really," Ian said, running his thumb over Charlie's lips.  
  
Charlie wasn't really sure what to say. He was still angry and more than a little guilty.   
  
"I trust you," Ian murmured, kissing Charlie. "I love you. Please do this for me."  
  
"Okay," Charlie whispered. He pushed up so he could straddle Ian's hips, snaking his hands under his shirt. "You should be naked first."   
  
Ian relaxed a little as Charlie seemed to get with the program.   
  
Charlie pushed Ian's shirt up and off, lowering his head to kiss his collarbone. He turned his head and looked at Don. "Will you help me with this? Ian asked for both of us."  
  
Don nodded and moved up to the headboard, taking Ian's wrists in his hands and leaving Charlie free to shift down Ian's legs to start opening his pants.   
  
He tugged Ian's jeans and underwear off in one smooth move while Don kissed the back of Ian's neck and his shoulders.   
  
Ian moaned softly and pushed back against Don, but didn't speak. He was giving himself totally over to Charlie for whatever he wanted.   
  
Naked at last, Charlie got off Ian's legs and stood by the side of the bed. "Cuffs," he said, indicating them with his head.  
  
Silently, Ian got out of bed and walked over to the cuffs, holding his hands up for Charlie to secure them around his wrist. Once that was done, Charlie turned to Don. "Come here. We're wearing too many clothes." He pulled Don to him and just held on for a moment. Then he gave him a slow, sweet kiss and tugged at the hem of his shirt.   
  
"You sure you're okay with this?" Don murmured in Charlie's ear as he started stripping him. He seemed reluctant, almost hesitant, and he would be remiss if he didn't check in with him.   
  
"He needs this," Charlie said softly. "And I need to be able to give it to him. I hurt him. Badly."   
  
Having been on the receiving end once or twice of Charlie's more pointed moments, and having given a few of them himself, Don nodded. He didn't ask any more questions, just started pulling on Charlie's clothes and kissing his neck. "Just tell me what you want me to do."   
  
"Help me," he whispered. "Just--lend me some of your strength."   
  
"You got it, buddy," Don said, finally tossing Charlie's shirt aside and watching as his shirt went the same direction. Wrapping an arm around Charlie's waist, he dragged him close, bending him back in a deep, passionate kiss. The sight of his brother's skin would never fail to make desire surge through his veins, and he didn't bother trying to fight it now, not when things were so heavy between Charlie and Ian.   
  
Charlie moaned softly. He kissed Don again and again, his fingers caressing the warm skin of his back and shoulders.   
  
Don's hands wandered to Charlie's belt, opening his pants and unceremoniously pushing them down. He grabbed Charlie's ass, dragging him impossibly closer, getting a more vehement moan from his brother. The moan was echoed by Ian and a gentle rattling of the chains let Don know that the show was serving its purpose.   
  
Charlie fumbled with Don's belt and slipped his hand inside Don's pants, stroking firmly through his underwear.   
  
"God, Charlie," Don moaned, letting his head fall back and inviting Charlie's lips to the sensitive places there. He wasn't disappointed when teeth nipped at the base of his throat and a hot tongue traced the tendons in his neck.   
  
Another soft whimper and a rattle of chains were the only indications of Ian's presence.   
  
Charlie focused on Don for a while, grounding himself with Don's familiar body and responses.   
  
Don got lost in the sensations Charlie was creating, one hand still down his pants, the other raking nails across his back, and lips and tongue and teeth finding all the hotspots they could reach. He was aware of Ian only peripherally, until the rush of cool apartment air meeting his cock made him open his eyes.   
  
Ian was flushed and rock hard, his eyes riveted to Charlie, and a soft, almost continuous whimper worked out of his mouth. He half wondered why Ian wasn't letting himself speak, but he figured there must be a reason for the self-imposed restriction.   
  
Finding and claiming Charlie's lips once more, Don took brief control of the proceedings just long enough to be sure he had Charlie's attention. "Don't neglect Ian," he murmured.   
  
Charlie nodded. He kissed Don one more time then turned his attention to Ian, making a slow circle around his body. The first time he didn't touch him at all, the second time he stopped behind him, still not touching, but close enough that Ian had to be aware of his presence.   
  
He pressed soft kisses down Ian's spine, stopping just before Ian's entrance. He rose from a crouch and lightly ran his blunt nails down the same path. The chains rattled and he enjoyed the slight trembling of Ian's arms. He pressed another kiss to Ian's shoulder.   
  
"Tell me why you won't speak," Charlie ordered.   
  
"You didn't say that I could," Ian replied, voice low and rough.   
  
Charlie wasn't sure how to take that. When Ian let himself be strung up, it was usually for a show of submission, something he was playing at to humor him or Don. This felt different. Ian was clearly tapping into some well of submission he hadn't before, allowing himself to be more vulnerable than Charlie had ever seen him.   
  
He put a hand on Ian's back and felt Ian relax into the touch with relief. "Don't hold back from me. I want to hear you. I want to know how much you're enjoying what I'm doing to you. I want to hear you beg for me," Charlie said as he ran his nails down Ian's spine again and over the rise of his ass.   
  
Ian moaned in pleasure.  
  
"Don? You want to give me a hand here?" Charlie murmured.   
  
Nodding, Don stepped in front of Ian, but didn't touch him immediately. "What do you want me to do?" he asked.  
  
"Kiss him, touch him, but not his cock. I'm saving that for later," Charlie replied.   
  
Ian groaned and Charlie smiled.  
  
Don kissed his way down Ian's chest, tongue teasing at his nipples.   
  
"Don..." Ian groaned, letting his eyes fall closed. Now that he had been given permission to enjoy himself, he fully intended to.   
  
Lost as he was in Don, Ian didn't see Charlie retreive the lube from its spot nearby. He hissed in surprise and pleasure as the first digit penetrated him, just as Don bit down unceremoniously on a sensitized nipple.   
  
Charlie slipped a second finger in, stretching him, but avoiding his prostrate for now. "Tell me how you feel," he growled.   
  
"Fuck... so good. You, Don... so good," Ian murmured. The chains rattled again as he tried to pull his hands down to run through Don's hair. Failing at that, he tried to push back on Charlie's fingers for more, but Charlie stopped him with a sharp nip to his shoulder.  
  
"You get what I give you, nothing more," he said. To illustrate his point, he pulled his fingers free, placing them on Ian's hip. "Beg me to put them back."   
  
Ian's face heated, and he had to lick his lips before whispering, "Please, Charlie. Please put your fingers back."  
  
"I can't hear you. Louder."   
  
Ian shivered, and then Don chose that moment to simultaneously nibble on his neck and pinch a nipple.   
  
"God!" he gasped. "God, please. Please. I need your fingers, Charlie. Please put them back."   
  
"Good boy," Charlie murmured. He kissed the back of Ian's neck but then slid a single finger in, starting over.   
  
Ian groaned, but didn't make the mistake of trying to push Charlie faster again. Instead, he just focused on all the points of pleasure being created between the two men, Don's hot mouth still exploring his chest and throat while his hands roamed and Charlie's finger deep inside him.   
  
Charlie kissed Ian's spine, let his nails scratch at that hot spot above his hip and finally added a second finger.   
  
"Charlie!" Ian gasped. "Yes, please!" His legs trembled with the effort not to move back, not to try to force those fingers deeper. Don kept up his maddening, teasing touches and it was all Ian could do to keep a coherent thought in his mind. After a few more minutes and another finger from Charlie, he didn't even bother with that any more.   
  
Charlie occasionally brushed over Ian's prostrate now, hitting it firmly and enjoying the moans and groans it wrung from Ian. He finally lined himself up, the tip of his cock just teasing Ian's entrance. "Tell me what you really want from me," Charlie said quietly.   
  
It took a moment for Ian to be able to think, much less form words. "I want you to fuck me, Charlie," he said. "Please."  
  
Charlie motioned for Don to back off and wrapped a hand around Ian's cock. "That's not what I asked you. Tell me what you _really_ want."  
  
"I--I don't--"  
  
"Yes, you do. You understand. Tell me what you want."  
  
Ian took a deep breath and hung his head. "Forgiveness. Love. Redemption. Please, Charlie."   
  
Charlie let go and Ian made a sound of protest -- or pain. "Shh," Charlie murmured. He moved around until he was in front of Ian and gently tilted his chin up. "Look at me, Ian," he said softly.  
  
Ian raised his head and Charlie saw the pain there, the fear and the shame. "I love you," he said quietly. "I forgive you. And you have your redemption. It doesn't mean I'm happy about you going back out there, but I trust you," he said, something in his own heart easing a little. "I trust you."   
  
Ian closed his eyes, breathing a sigh of relief and he slumped in his chains just a bit. Charlie automatically put an arm around his waist to support him and Don moved to do the same, pressing a kiss to Ian's shoulder. He wasn't entirely sure what had just passed between Charlie and Ian, but he knew enough to know that it was a significant moment.  
  
"Please," Ian said again when he found his voice. "Please kiss me. And then finish this."   
  
Charlie kissed Ian gently, tenderly at first, reconnecting, letting him know he was loved. The the kiss became more passionate, more hungry. When he felt Ian respond again, heard his groan, he backed off and moved behind him again. He quickly checked to make sure Ian was still loose, then he nodded at Don who got to his knees and swallowed Ian whole just as Charlie pushed inside with one long, smooth motion.   
  
"Oh, God!" Ian moaned, wrapping his hands around the chains that bound him to keep some measure of control. He was instantly overwhelmed in sensation, his raw nerves attuned to the slightest change in pressure, the slightest movement from either of them. Charlie was rocking into him in short, shallow thrusts while Don let Charlie's momentum do the work of sucking his cock. Far sooner than he normally would have, the need pounded at him, making him desperate to let go.   
  
"Charlie... Charlie, god. Please. Need to come. Please," he babbled.   
  
Charlie licked the nape of his neck, then said gently, "Come for me, Ian."   
  
Groaning, Ian helplessly followed Charlie's command, emptying himself into Don's mouth. "Fuck, Charlie," he murmured finally, spent and sagging from the cuffs.   
  
Don nursed him through the aftershocks and then stood pressing a gentle kiss to his lips, smiling a little when Ian eagerly kissed him back.   
  
Ian could feel Charlie trembling behind him in an effort to let him make his way down from his orgasm and he turned his head. "Wanna feel you come inside me, Charlie. Please."   
  
Charlie tightened his arms around Ian's chest and came, whispering Ian's name. He was careful not to put his weight on Ian, though Don looked ready to step in if that became an issue.   
  
Giving himself a moment to recover, Charlie carefully released Ian from his bonds, Don at the ready to support him as they got him settled on the bed. They each took a wrist, carefully examining it for any marks or irritation.   
  
Charlie pressed a kiss to the soft skin on the inside of Ian's wrist then looked at Don. "Tell me what I can do for you."   
  
Don had barely been aware of his own need until Charlie mentioned it, and now it made itself known with a vengeance. "Want your hands while you kiss me," he said, voice low and rough. He was so close already.   
  
Charlie smiled and moved across the bed on his knees, making sure Ian could see them if he wanted to watch. The kiss he gave Don was slow and tender and loving while his hand on Don's cock stroked firmly with the twist on the end that he enjoyed.   
  
Soon, Don was panting into Charlie's mouth, his eyes tightly shut as he tried not to fly apart. But his orgasm wouldn't be denied, his back arching as he came with a shout.   
  
"Easy, easy," Ian soothed, stroking Don's arm as he came down while Charlie pressed kisses to Don's jaw and throat.   
  
Charlie carefully eased Don down beside Ian, continuing to press soft, gentle kisses into his hair, temple, and neck.   
  
"Charlie, Ian..." Don murmured, kissing them both softly. "Better now?"  
  
Charlie looked at Ian over Don able to give him a small smile. It felt like they were on familiar ground again, though the fear of letting Ian go was still in the background.   
  
"Getting there," Ian said softly. "You two hungry?"  
  
"Nn, sleepy," Don said. "Nap. Then food."  
  
Chuckling, Ian pressed a kiss to Don's nose. "Now you really do sound like your brother."   
  
"I would resent that if it wasn't true," Charlie said.   
  
Ian laughed and leaned over Don to kiss Charlie softly. "And we love you, just as you are," he murmured.  
  
Don tugged Ian and Charlie around him, nodding his agreement with Ian before dropping off.  
  
....  
  
The three men dozed for over an hour, but the exertion had left Ian physically drained, his body pushing him for nourishment. Sliding gently from bed, he let Don and Charlie sleep while he went out to the kitchen to prepare a simple dinner.   
  
When Don woke Ian was gone. He wasn't really surprised. He left Charlie in bed and made his way to the kitchen. He paused in the entryway but didn't enter. "Hey," he said softly. "Do you want some company or do you want to be alone for a while?"   
  
"Hey," Ian said, turning his head and smiling at Don. "Company would be nice, actually. Still feeling a little raw."   
  
"Anything I can do?" Don said, coming closer. He pressed a kiss to Ian's shoulder.   
  
Ian shook his head. "Nah. It'll pass."   
  
Whatever had happened, it had to be more than Charlie not wanting Ian to go back into the field, though obviously that was part of it. "Do you want to talk about it?"   
  
"I don't think I should," Ian said. "He was feeling raw and angry and bitter and I pushed him to say some things he probably wouldn't have, normally. I think he's ashamed of those feelings and it's not for me to expose them. I'll let him tell you about them when he's ready. For now, well, he trusts me again. At least partially. And he forgave me. So, it's a start. The rest will just take a little time."  
  
He shrugged and finished browning the ground beef for the pasta he was making. "Besides," he said, turning off the burner and letting the meat sit for a moment, "don't you think you and Charlie have taken care of me long enough? I think it's my turn."  
  
Grabbing Don around the waist, he planted a fierce, possessive kiss on his lips.   
  
Don melted gratefully into the kiss. He didn't know if Ian was trying to prove something to Don, Charlie, himself, or all three. Whatever the reason, Don would take it and be glad.   
  
They were still kissing, Ian pinning Don to the counter and ravishing his mouth, when Charlie wandered into the kitchen and interrupted them with a yawn. "I smell food," he said sleepily.  
  
"Spaghetti with ground beef, soon, baby," Ian replied, finally letting Don up and crossing to Charlie. "I was just giving Don a preview of after dinner."   
  
"Mmm." He still wasn't really sure where he stood with Ian. He thought maybe they both had some raw edges still.   
  
"Would you like a preview, too?" Ian said, letting his voice dip down to its seductive level. He felt the need for permission from Charlie after everything that had happened today.  
  
That voice never failed to make Charlie shiver, and now was no exception. He hadn't heard it in months, and deep down, he was relieved to be responding to it again. "Yes," he murmured.  
  
"Yes, what?"  
  
Charlie swallowed. "Yes, please."   
  
"Specifics, Charles Edwards Eppes," Ian growled.   
  
Charlie's eyes went wide at the use of his full name, a sure signal that Ian was in his toppiest space. How he could go from so submissive just a little while ago to so dominant now was a bit of a mystery to him, but perhaps Ian had needed to be the one before he could be the other. "Please, Ian, I-I'd like a preview of what's going to happen after dinner."  
  
"Better," Ian said, now grabbing Charlie around the waist the same way he had Don before propelling him back to pin him against the wall. He claimed Charlie's mouth hard, alternating kissing and nibbling until Charlie's lips were flushed red and kiss swollen.   
  
Charlie parted his lips obediently and moaned wantonly, hands going around Ian's back as he held on as best he could.   
  
"That's my baby," Ian murmured, letting the kisses slowly peter out and leaving Charlie flushed and panting. "You've missed that, haven't you?"  
  
Charlie could only nod in reply.   
  
"I know." He ran a gentle hand through Charlie's hair. "I've neglected you. And I'm sorry for that. Tonight I'll make sure you get exactly what you need, I promise."   
  
Wait. "Ian, it wasn't like that. You don't have to be the strong one all the time. You shouldn't be. It's not good for any of us. You needed to be the one who was cared for, and that's okay. Don't ever feel like you can't let us take some of the responsibility for a while."   
  
"Thank you, baby," Ian said, kissing him softly. "And I do know that it's good for you to take care of me, too. I just think that it's past time for me to take care of you again, that's all. Both of you."   
  
"Okay." He smiled and gave Ian another kiss. "So can I ask what you have planned for later?"   
  
"You can ask... but that doesn't mean I'm going to tell you," Ian teased. "Pasta should be done now. Ready to eat?"   
  
Charlie stuck his tongue out, but then impulsively gave Ian a long, tight hug.   
  
Ian hugged him just as tightly back, smiling when Don joined them in the spontaneous show of affection. Finally, they all sat down to the dinner Ian had made, a general feeling of lightness and anticipation permeating the whole meal. Charlie tried to wheedle information out of him about exactly what he had planned, but Ian was steadfast in not sharing. He responded to Charlie with teasing comments, looks, and touches only.   
  
Don didn't even bother trying to pry information out of Ian, but he did join in the teasing of both men.   
  
Finally, Charlie had had enough and when it looked like the three of them were about done with their meal, he stood and plopped himself in Ian's lap. "Please, Ian. You promised."  
  
Leaning back and grinning, Ian wrapped his hands around Charlie’s wrists, squeezing hard. "I did promise, didn't I, Don?"  
  
"You did. I heard you," Don confirmed.   
  
"Well, I have a witness, then," he purred. "But it occurs to me that I also promised to make it up to both of you. I think I need both of you in chains tonight."   
  
Charlie shivered, loving the feel of Ian's hand around his fragile wrists. Charlie licked his lips. "So does that mean one on the hook and one on the bed?"   
  
"That, my genius, is exactly what it means," Ian said, tugging on the wrists enough to get him to lean forward and kiss him deeply. "So, the question is, which Eppes brother goes where?"   
  
Charlie held his breath, waiting for Ian's decision.   
  
Ian looked between Don and Charlie, a trademark smirk on his face. Finally, his decision made, he kissed Charlie again. "Don?"  
  
"Yes, Ian?"  
  
"Go chain your brother to the ceiling for me and I'll be in to get you settled in a minute. I want to put the leftovers away," Ian commanded.   
  
Charlie shivered, already anticipating what was to come next. Don got up from his chair and offered Charlie his hand. Ian released his hold and Charlie slipped his hand into Don's, squeezing gently.   
  
"Oh and Don? Strip him down for me before you chain him," Ian said, grinning wide.  
  
Don swallowed thickly and squeezed Charlie's hand back. "Yes, Ian."  
  
"He's not allowed to help you, either. And you know I'll know if he does."   
  
Charlie swallowed. He wasn't sure who would get punished if he disobeyed and helped Don, but with the mood Ian seemed to be in he suspected they both would.   
  
Ian put the food away quickly, waiting an appropriate amount of time before joining Don and Charlie in the bedroom. He got there just as Don was lifting Charlie's wrists and closing them into his cuffs. Charlie's t-shirt and boxers were tossed almost haphazardly into the corner, which told him they'd been kissing as Don stripped him. Smiling, Ian entered the room fully and closed the door behind him, watching the reaction that raced through Charlie's body.  
  
"Nice work, Don," Ian purred, walking a slow circle around Charlie's body.   
  
Charlie shivered, naked and exposed under Ian's knowing gaze. He bit his lip to keep from saying anything and tried to relax.   
  
Ian stopped so he was facing Charlie, running his thumb along his jaw and then up to gently pry his lip from between his teeth. "Look at me, baby," he purred, waiting until Charlie's eyes lifted to his face. "Do you trust me?"   
  
Charlie's usual response was 'always' but considering recent events he simply said, "Yes."   
  
"Good," Ian said, running his thumb over Charlie's bottom lip, his eyes fixed on it until Charlie's tongue came out to wet it self-consciously. Finally, he claimed his lip in a deep, tender kiss. "I'm going to get your brother settled and then I'll be back. Don't hold back, okay? If you enjoy something, I want to hear it."  
  
Don gasped as that intense gaze was focused on him suddenly and he automatically stood from where he had perched on the edge of the bed.   
  
Ian grinned. Good to see that they still knew what to do, even after his months of neglect.   
  
He stalked over to Don, dragging him forward with an arm around his waist, crushing their mouths together hard. His hand worked under Don's t-shirt, caressing his warm skin and then detouring the waistband of his boxers. Ian slipped his hand inside, stroking firmly.   
  
Don groaned and pushed eagerly into Ian's hand. "Ian!" He wanted to undress Ian, but he knew better than to try without permission.   
  
He kept stroking as he pulled off Don's shirt and tossed it aside. His boxers followed directly after. Naked at last, he stroked Don one more time and then kissed him, urging him over to the bed.   
  
Don obediently moved back, stretching his arms above his head.   
  
"Such a good boy," Ian purred, climbing over Don's body, still clothed. He took Don's cuffs and fastened his wrists in them, then started kissing his way down Don's body.  
  
"Oh... Ian... yes, please," Don moaned.   
  
"Please what?"   
  
"Please... want to see you naked, feel your skin. Want you to make me come," Don panted, shockwaves of pleasure running up and down his spine.  
  
Ian chuckled and pressed a kiss to Don's inner thigh. "All in good time, partner. What do you think, Charlie? Think I should take my clothes off?"  
  
"Yes. Please, Ian. I want to see you naked."   
  
Ian grinned and made a production of stripping his shirt off, revealing his copper skin an inch at a time. But he left his boxers on. For now.   
  
"Ian..." Don whined. Ian’s erection was obvious through the thin material and he licked his lips, eager and nearly desperate to taste him. Barring that, he'd at least like to see him. "Please, god, want to taste you. Want to see all of you."  
  
Ian raked his eyes down Don's body and smirked. He walked over to Charlie, kissing his shoulders as he walked a circle around him, getting a soft whimper from the back of Charlie's throat.   
  
"The question is, Don, now that I have you both at my mercy, what should I do with you, hmm?" He trailed a hand down Charlie's spine just to see him shiver.   
  
"Anything you want," Don said hoarsely. "Just--please, let me see you."   
  
"Well, when you ask so nicely," Ian said, sparing a moment to kiss Charlie's lips before finally removing his underwear. Naked at last, he stood at the foot of the bed, in Don's full view. "Is this what you wanted?"  
  
Don groaned. Ian's cock was full and flushed and looked good enough to taste. He licked his lips. "Yes. God yes. You're amazing. So beautiful."   
  
"I am pretty amazing, aren't I?" Ian asked, grinning.   
  
Don manfully resisted the urge to roll his eyes, knowing it would only lead to a punishment, and he was already ready to have his bonds gone so he could touch Ian.   
  
Thankfully, Ian let it go and crawled over Don's body, kissing his way up as he went, but predictably avoiding his cock. Charlie let out a soft whimper of need.   
  
Ian grinned but ignored Charlie for now.   
  
He kissed Don's belly, his ribcage, then lingered a little while over his right nipple.   
  
"Oh... oh, fuck, Ian," Don moaned and writhed. He had always loved having his nipples played with, and when he wasn't distracted by playing with someone else, the sensations were even more intense. His chains clinked as he tried to bring his hands down to run through Ian's hair.   
  
Ian fastened his mouth on Don's other nipple, caressing the newly sensitized right one with his thumbnail.   
  
"Ian!" Don cried out, arching into his body. He was grateful for Ian's weight on top of him or he might have done damage to his arms. "God. Ian. Please. Fuck me. Need you."   
  
Ian chuckled and blew across his nipple. "So soon?"   
  
Don gasped. "I--it's been too long. Too long since you've been like this. Please. Need you." His hands flexed open and closed in the chains, desperate to touch, to feel.   
  
He kissed Don gently and pulled out the lube. He eased one finger in, painfully slow, teasing.   
  
"Oh, fuck. You are determined to kill me, aren't you?" Don huffed, chuckling. He moaned as Ian penetrated him, his hips trembling with the effort of not trying to push it in farther.  
  
"No, no, Don. I just want to push your limits," Ian said. He bit sharply at his inner thigh as he worked. "Besides, you are so beautiful like this, flushed skin, laid out for me. Delicious."  
  
Charlie whimpered again and Don turned his head, finding his attention riveted on the scene on the bed, his lips red and wet. "Charlie..."   
  
Ian gently tapped Don's nose with his index finger. "Hey. Focus."   
  
Don blinked, but, with an effort, he tore his gaze away from Charlie and put all of his concentration on Ian. It felt strange to ignore Charlie completely. They usually did this kind of show for mutal arousal and participation, but he trusted Ian to know what he was doing.   
  
Occasionally, Ian's free hand flicked over a nipple or teased another sensitive spot on Don's body and he responded, arching and gasping each time. Finally-- _finally_ \--Ian added a second finger alongside the first, stroking over his prostate.   
  
Don groaned loudly, his back arching. "Fuck, Ian, yes!"   
  
Charlie moaned and bit his lip, looking at the scene on the bed. He wasn't sure who he wanted to be most, Ian or Don, whether he wanted to be the one making his brother look and sound like that or whether he wanted to be the focus of that intensity. He shivered, realizing suddenly that when Ian was done with Don, he _would_ be Ian's focus, and he hated himself for the little bit of trepidation and fear he could feel settling in his stomach at that.   
  
Ian wouldn't hurt him. Especially when he'd ensured Charlie would be helpless to fight back. And Don was there, Don wouldn't let anything happen to him.   
  
He took a deep breath and refocused on the scene playing out in front of him. Ian was up to three fingers now, reducing Don to whimpers, grunts, and mindless pleas. He was arching and writhing desperately, skin sheened in sweat, and Charlie didn't think he ever looked more beautiful.   
  
"Ian, please! No more teasing. _Please_ fuck me!"   
  
"Shh," Ian soothed, gentling his touches and kissing Don deeply. He slipped his fingers free and positioned himself at Don's entrance. Bracing one hand on the bed, he pushed his way inside.   
  
Don cried out in relief and pleasure. He pulled at his restraints, automatically trying to touch Ian's body, feel that delicious warm skin under his hands.   
  
Ian fucked him slow and steady, caressing his skin now instead of teasing. He placed soft kisses to Don's chest, tracing patterns on his skin with his free hand, sometimes with his tongue. It was too much and not enough all at the same time. "Please. More," Don murmured, voice hoarse and raw already.   
  
"More what, Don?"  
  
"More you. Harder, faster! Please!" Don remembered to add before Ian could ask him.  
  
Smirking, Ian pressed a kiss to the base of Don's throat and then adjusted his angle on the bed, aiming for Don's prostate. He thrust in almost brutally hard, holding just off the edge of Don's limts. "Like that?"  
  
"Yes!" Don cried out, hands clenching. "Yes! God. Please!"   
  
Ian kept up his pace, never giving Don time to relax or rest until Don was all but mewling for him. Ian wrapped a hand around Don's cock and stroked. "Come for me, Don," he growled.   
  
Not even half a heart beat passed before Don was crying out, his muscles tensing as he came hard. He could feel the moment his brain went offline and he wasn't totally aware of his surroundings for several long moments.   
  
Ian eased him through the aftershocks, immediately releasing the cuffs and holding Don in his arms. He gently stroked his skin and murmured soothing words into Don's ear.   
  
"Ian..." Don murmured, gratefully clinging to him. The shakes were surprising, but they shouldn't have been, not after how intense this coupling was. He felt exposed and vulnerable, but Ian had him. Ian had him and it would be okay.   
  
"I've got you, Don," he murmured, holding him tight with one arm while his other hand reached up to stroke his hair. His own erection was aching but he had experience at ignoring his own needs. "I've got you. You're safe."   
  
He nodded and slowly he was able to get his breathing back under control. Finally, he lifted his head and looked at Ian, a feeling of relief and perfect contentment washing over him. "You didn't come yet," he murmured. "Did you?"  
  
"Not yet," Ian said.  
  
Don ran his fingers through Ian's hair and kissed him gently. "You should. Do it for me. Please."   
  
Ian's lips twitched in a smile. "You know that means I'll be torturing your brother longer."   
  
Don bit his lip and dared a look over at Charlie. He looked on edge and needy, and Don didn't know how long he could hold out. "He has to agree to it," Don said quietly. "I know you wouldn't hurt him, but he looks desperate already."   
  
Charlie shivered but he could tell Don really wanted this. "Go ahead."   
  
Holding Don tight, Ian rolled his hips, thrusting inside his heat a few more times before letting go with a low, deep groan.   
  
"That's it, partner," Don said, stroking Ian's neck and back tenderly.   
  
Don continued to gently stroke Ian's back, bringing him down from his high.   
  
Cuddling with Don for a long moment, Ian finally took a deep breath and kissed Don tenderly. He pushed himself up, slipping from Don's body as gently as possible and then standing. Grabbing a dry washcloth from nearby, he cleaned himself off and then disappeared briefly to wet the cloth for Don. He tenderly cleaned Don up and then kissed him once more. "Are you going to be okay while I take care of Charlie?"   
  
"Absolutely," Don said, giving him a sleepy, sated smile. He pulled Ian to him and gave him a tender kiss. "I love you."   
  
"I love you, too, partner," Ian said. He squeezed Don's hand in gratitude and then turned to Charlie. "Still with me, baby?"  
  
He walked over and slid his hand over Charlie's jaw, tilting his head up. Charlie's eyes were a little unfocused, but he blinked a couple times and nodded. "Yes," he said quietly.   
  
Ian looked into his eyes for a long moment. "Are you okay?" he asked seriously.   
  
"I'm scared," Charlie admitted. It was one of the cardinal rules, always tell the truth.   
  
"Of?"  
  
Charlie dropped his eyes but Ian urged them back up to his face. "Of you. I know you wouldn't hurt me. I know it. I just... you're a little intense right now."   
  
Ian suppressed his flinch but it took a lot of effort. "We don't have to do this," Ian said quietly. "If you're not ready, it's okay."   
  
Charlie swallowed and licked his hips. "No. No, we need this. I'm okay."  
  
Ian gave him a skeptical look. "You'll safeword if you need it?"  
  
"I will. I promise."   
  
Still, Ian hesitated. For this to work, Charlie had to trust him, not be afraid of him.   
  
Charlie softened and wanted to reach out to touch Ian. "I'm sorry. I hate this. I hate feeling like this. I just want things to be back to normal between us. And I trust you know how to do that. Please."   
  
"Okay," Ian said quietly. "Okay."   
  
Ian wrapped his arms around Charlie, just holding him at first, stroking over his skin. "I love you so much, baby," he murmured in his ear. He kissed his way along his jaw and down his throat, his fingers now just ghosting over his skin.   
  
"I love you, too, Ian. I'm sorry I'm so screwed up," he said hoarsely.   
  
"Hey," Ian said, pulling back to fix Charlie with a fierce stare. "You do not ever have to apologize for how you feel. Not ever. Not to me. Do you understand?"  
  
"Yes," Charlie said, swallowing hard.   
  
Ian kissed him hard and then pulled back, walking a slow circle around Charlie's body. "I've been trying to figure out what you need. What it is that I need to give you. I think I finally figured it out. You have so much going on in that head of yours. You're all tied in knots. You need to let it all go. I can do that for you," he murmured in Charlie's ear, low and dangerous.   
  
Charlie shuddered, but nodded. "Okay," he said quietly.   
  
"That's a good boy," Ian said, trailing his fingers down Charlie's neck, teasing at a sensitive spot. He let his fingers drift, caressing a nipple, playing with the hairs on Charlie's chest. He wanted to overwhelm Charlie with sensation until he broke, letting everything go in a wave of emotion.   
  
Charlie made a soft sound of pleasure, his whole body trembling.   
  
"That's it. Just relax. You can close your eyes if you want. Focus on the sensations."   
  
Charlie did as Ian suggested at first, but each time Ian moved, Charlie's eyes flew open again, tracking him around the room. Clearly, another tactic was going to be needed. Crossing to the nightstand, Ian could feel Charlie's eyes on him. He pulled out a scarf they sometimes used as a restraint and rolled it together, making a blindfold. He held it up to Charlie. "Will you let me blindfold you?"   
  
Charlie hesitated, then nodded. "Yes. Just--keep touching me," he said softly. "Or talk to me."   
  
"I will, I promise," Ian said, fastening the blindfold around his eyes. "How does that feel? Not too tight?"  
  
Charlie wiggled his nose and shook his head. "No, it's fine."  
  
"Good," Ian purred, starting to caress Charlie again. He kissed the side of his neck and trailed a hand down Charlie's spine and over the rise of his ass, just teasing at his opening with a dry finger.   
  
Charlie fought not to tense, but he did make a soft sound. He wondered what Don was making of all this.   
  
"That's it, just let me take care of you," Ian murmured, sliding his fingers around the bottom curve of Charlie's ass, detouring to gently cup his balls. He followed the same path his fingers had taken with his mouth, kneeling behind Charlie to dip his tongue inside him.  
  
Don rolled onto his side and watched the proceedings, looking closely at Charlie's body language. He knew Ian would respect Charlie's boundaries, but it was his job to look out for both of them.   
  
Charlie gave a soft moan of pleasure and tried to widen his stance. The trepidation wasn't entirely gone, but it was getting better.   
  
Encouraged by Charlie's moan, Ian spent some time where he was, gently fucking him with his tongue as his fingers continued their soft explorations. Finally, he wrapped one hand around Charlie's cock, stroking him firmly.   
  
Charlie's next moan was a little louder as Ian continued to gently coax him into pleasure.   
  
Pleased, Ian stood, keeping his hand on Charlie's hip as he kissed the back of his neck and then returned to standing in front of him. He kissed his lips and then his collarbone, sinking to his knees again. "Tell me how you're feeling," he said, letting his breath ghost over Charlie's cock.   
  
Charlie shivered. "A little on edge, still," he admitted.   
  
"But starting to get a little better?" Ian clarified before licking at the head of Charlie's cock."  
  
"Yes..." Charlie moaned and then cleared his throat. "Yes."   
  
"Good." He continued to lick the head of his cock for a while, sometimes tracing the circumcision scar, sometimes licking from root to tip.   
  
Charlie could feel his legs trembling as Ian's mouth worked. Pleasure and need were starting to combine in a heady mix and he moaned more freely now, his hips starting to make small, unconscious thrusting movements.   
  
Ian wrapped his hands around Charlie's hips, holding them still, and he felt Charlie yield to him. He rewarded him by taking him further into his mouth, tongue tracing the dorsal vein.   
  
Charlie whimpered. "Ian." His voice wasn't filled with urgency yet, but it would be, soon.   
  
Ian hummed around Charlie's cock, getting an answering shudder through Charlie's legs. Still he worked slowly, ramping up Charlie's pleasure a bit at a time. He slid a finger into his mouth quickly, using the spit to tease behind Charlie's balls and slide between Charlie's cheeks.   
  
Charlie moaned again. He was gradually relaxing under Ian's care as endorphins flooded his system.   
  
The minutes passed as Ian worked. He could feel the responses in Charlie's body coming more rapidly as his brain stopped obsessing and started relaxing. His nose was buried in the curls at the base of Charlie's cock, the tip of one finger working just barely in and out of him when Charlie's voice cascaded around him.  
  
"Ian... oh, Ian! Yes. Need you. God, need you," he moaned.   
  
Charlie was still able to form coherent words so Ian kept up his slow tease. But he stood and claimed Charlie's mouth in a fierce and deeply possessive kiss.   
  
Moaning gratefully into the kiss, Charlie tried to bring his arms down to hold Ian, making the chains clink. It only made him moan again.  
  
Ian dragged Charlie as close as he could possibly get their bodies, one knee between Charlie's legs, an ankle hooked around Charlie's calf.   
  
It wasn't enough, it wasn't nearly enough. Charlie groaned in frustration.   
  
Ian's hands traveled down to Charlie's ass, squeezing the muscles hard. "Tell me you want me, Charlie. Tell me you _need_ me," he growled in Charlie's ear.   
  
"I need you," Charlie whispered. His voice was rough with emotion and he thought maybe his eyes were wet. "I need you so badly I--"   
  
"Shh, shh," Ian soothed, gentling his touch. He slid his hands up Charlie's arms and opened the cuffs and pushed the blindfold off his eyes. He kissed the tears that slid out of Charlie's eyes and, scooping him up, he gently laid Charlie out on the bed.  
  
"What--what are you doing?" Charlie asked, blinking the tears out of his eyes.  
  
"Giving you what you need, just as I promised," Ian replied. "You needed that first, now you need this."  
  
Crawling over him, he pressed his lips to Charlie's, soft and tender, requesting entrance.   
  
Charlie let Ian kiss him for a moment but then shook his head. "Ian, I don't--"  
  
"Don't what?" he asked softly, stroking his hair. He caught Don moving out of the corner of his eye and gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head. He needed to fix this. "Don't deserve it?"   
  
He shook his head again, eyes sliding away from Ian's face. "I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you. The things I said--being so angry with you. I never should have said them. I never should have hurt you like that."  
  
Gently, Ian urged Charlie's eyes back to his face. "I forgive you."   
  
"How?" he asked brokenly   
  
"Because I love you so much," Ian murmured in reply, kissing Charlie tenderly again. "How could I not?" He stroked over Charlie's skin, kissing his collarbone and shoulder, his hand drifting down Charlie's chest again to wrap around his cock.   
  
Charlie wrapped his arms around Ian and held him tightly. He was fighting against the sobs he could feel building up in his chest. "Don't leave me," he said in a small voice.   
  
Ian squeezed Charlie tight, promising him with a deep, tender kiss, "Never. Not if I have anything to say about it. I'm never going to leave you."  
  
Charlie bit his lip hard and buried his face in Ian's shoulder, letting a few hot tears fall. He felt Ian's hand stroking his hair and was caught off guard enough to gasp when Ian stroked him.  
  
"I'm right here," Ian said. "It's okay, baby. Let it out."  
  
Charlie finally gave free rein to his tears, sobbing with guilt and pain and anger and frustration and through it all Ian held him, loved him, promised everything would be okay, that no matter what he'd always, _always_ love him.   
  
Don bit his lip hard and wrapped his hands in the sheets next to him to keep from reaching out to his baby brother. It physically hurt to see Charlie in so much distress, but he knew without being told that this was something Charlie and Ian had to work out between just the two of them.  
  
Slowly, after several minutes, Charlie's sobs eased and Ian continued to soothe him until Charlie was quiet again. "How do you feel?" Ian asked softly.  
  
"Drained," Charlie replied.   
  
"Good," Ian said. He kissed Charlie's forehead, his eyelids, his lips. "Let me take care of you. Love you. The way you deserve to be loved."   
  
Charlie's erection had flagged while he sobbed, even after having been so wound up for so long, but as Ian reached between them once more and gently stroked, it retunred to life in his capable hand. Taking a deep breath, Charlie nodded. "Okay."   
  
Ian continued to place soft kisses on Charlie's skin, gentling him, comforting him before he tried to arouse him.   
  
Charlie kissed him, tentatively at first.   
  
At Ian's soft moan of encouragement, Charlie kissed him more firmly, more passionately, at last able to start losing himself in the contact. "Ian..." he moaned softly.   
  
"Charlie," Ian replied, his voice low and husky. He continued to stroke Charlie firmly but lowered his head to fasten his lips on the junction of neck and shoulder, sucking hard. "Mine," he growled.   
  
Gasping, Charlie arched into Ian's body, a flood of arousal swamping his system. It'd been too long since Ian had been fierce and possessive, even while being tender and caring. "Yes!" he cried. "Yours, Ian. All yours."  
  
Growling into Charlie's skin again, Ian stroked him a little faster as he kissed his way down his chest, detouring over to drag a nipple between his teeth.   
  
Charlie gasped and moaned. He could feel Ian's smile against his chest and started to smile himself when Ian dragged the other nipple between his teeth, causing Charlie to arch against him.   
  
"Oh god, Ian," Charlie murmured, pleasure finally starting to take the place of the anger and frustration he'd been carrying with him. "Feels amazing."  
  
"Love feeling you like this, feeling your skin under my hands," Ian said against his skin. Without ceremony, warning, or hesitation, Ian dipped his head and took Charlie's cock deep inside his mouth.   
  
Charlie's cry of surprise quickly turned into a moan of pleasure. "God, Ian. Just like that!"   
  
Ian hummed his acknowledgement around Charlie's cock, using one hand to stroke him in time with the bobbing of his head while the other gently rolled and caressed his balls. Occasionally, one finger reached behind to stroke his perineum, making a high whimper work out of the back of Charlie's throat.   
  
Charlie let himself get lost in pleasure but still did his best to please Ian, too. He stroked what skin he could reach, caressing and teasing. "Ian," he groaned.   
  
Ian could feel Charlie's body first relax and then start to tense again as the pleasure diffused through him. Slowly, Ian lifted his head and looked at Charlie. "I want to be inside you," he murmured, kissing Charlie's hips. "Let me."   
  
Charlie met Ian's gaze and stroked his hair, letting his hand rest on the back of Ian's neck. "Please. I want you inside me. I need you, Ian."   
  
Something undefinable in Ian's chest eased with Charlie's affirmation and he surged up, claiming Charlie's lips passionately, joyfully, before reaching over Don to retrieve the lube. He detoured just long enough to press a kiss to Don's lips, checking in to make sure he was still okay.  
  
Don squeezed his hand and gave him a nod, releasing him to return to Charlie.   
  
Charlie obediently spread his legs, giving Ian access to start prepping him.   
  
Ian pressed a kiss to the inside of Charlie's thigh, following it with a sharp nip just to hear him gasp, before slicking his fingers and pushing one inside. Of everything he did with both Don and Charlie, this was one of the things he liked best, getting to open his lover for him, seeing the pleasure and need start to build on their faces.   
  
It wasn't long before he was progressing to two fingers and then on to three, taking time to prod at Charlie's prostate.   
  
Charlie moaned, his arms tightening around Ian. He pulled him down for a long, thorough kiss. "I love you," he murmured.   
  
"I love you, too, Charlie," Ian replied, slipping his fingers free and lining himself up. He pushed inside slowly but steadily. "So very, very much."   
  
Charlie kissed Ian's temple and gently stroked his back. "Feel so good inside me."   
  
"God, can't ever get enough of this," Ian said as he started to move, sliding easily in and out of Charlie. He set a steady pace, neither too fast or too slow, groaning each time Charlie clenched around him.   
  
"Me either." Charlie kissed Ian again and again, running his fingers lightly down those strong arms.   
  
Don bit his lip and tried to stay quiet as he watched Ian and Charlie together. His cock was still mostly satiated, but nevertheless, there was no way he would ever find the sight of the two of them _not_ arousing. Without drawing attention to himself, he idly stroked his cock.  
  
Ian shivered at Charlie's light caress. He kept his pace steady for as long as he could stand it, slowly building his pleasure with Charlie's. But even his control wasn't infinite. "Oh, god, Charlie!" he gasped finally, shifting to start fucking Charlie in earnest.   
  
"Ian!" Charlie cried. He moved in time with him, kissing him passionately, messily.   
  
Ian rested his head on Charlie's shoulder as he pumped into him, stroking his cock in time to his increasingly urgent thrusts. Charlie's gasps turned into long, shuddering moans, and Ian knew he was close. "Come on, Charlie. Let go for me."   
  
"Ian!" he cried, shuddering as he came.   
  
Ian closed his eyes as the sensation of Charlie coming cascaded around him, but only managed to stave his own orgasm off for another few seconds. He curled his hands around Charlie's back, moaning loudly as his release finally washed over him.   
  
Shifting, Don moved to caress Ian and Charlie's shoulders, helping them to come down from their joint orgasms.   
  
Charlie continued to hold onto Ian. "Don't let go," he whispered.   
  
"I won't. I'll hold on for as long as you need," Ian replied quietly. He turned his head and kissed Don's wrist, assuring him they were okay and silently letting him know he needed his patience for just a little longer.   
  
Gradually the trembling in Charlie's body calmed. He reached for Don's hand and pressed the palm to his lips.   
  
"Hey, buddy," Don murmured, caressing the side of his face with his fingertips. "How are you feeling?"   
  
"Better," Charlie said softly.   
  
"That's good to hear," Don said. He ran his hand through Ian's hair. "And you, partner? How do you feel?"  
  
"Better, too," Ian said. "Thanks, Don."   
  
"Any time."  
  
Charlie waited another minute, then said, "You can let go."   
  
Ian eased his grip slowly, loathe to really let go right away. He did finally slip from Charlie's body, stretching out on one side of him. He started to reach over to Don, but stopped as he realized Don was hard again. "Did you want one of us to take care of that for you?" he said, his eyes glinting with amusement.  
  
Don swallowed, half embarrassed. "You two must be exhausted," he said quietly. "I can take care of myself this time."   
  
Ian smiled. "Wouldn't have offered if I wasn't up to it."  
  
"No," Charlie said softly. "Let me. Please?"   
  
Don ran his hand through Charlie's curls. "Okay, buddy, okay. I just need your hand, and..."  
  
"And?" Charlie prompted, rolling over so he could look at Don.  
  
"And, talk dirty to me?"   
  
Charlie smiled. "I can do that." He leaned over and kissed Don, fierce and dirty and reached down to stroke his brother's cock.   
  
Don moaned gratefully into the kiss, his hips automatically pushing into Charlie's hand. He wrapped his arms gently around Charlie's shoudlers, not wanting to impede on his memory of being held so tightly by Ian. "Charlie... god, I love the way you touch me."   
  
"Love touching you, Don. Love the feel of you, so hot and heavy in my hand. Can't get enough of the little sounds you make," Charlie purred, twisting his wrist at the top of his stroke and getting an answering grunt from Don. "Fuck, Don. The way you look, all blissed out and eager, flushed, panting for me. So fucking delicious."   
  
Don groaned. Something about hearing his little brother say "fuck" really did it for him. "Charlie!"   
  
Charlie kissed Don deeply, nibbling on his bottom lip. "Yeah, that's it, Don. Fuck yourself in my hand, wanna feel your come all over my fingers. God, I fucking love it."   
  
"Charlie!" Don moaned. His body shook and he came, spilling into Charlie's hand.   
  
"That's it... that's it, Donny," Charlie murmured, kissing him gently as he nursed him through his orgasm. Slowly, he lifted his fingers to his lips, making sure Don was looking, before licking his come off a digit at a time.   
  
Don whimpered. "Jesus, Charlie."   
  
Once his hand was clean, Charlie drew Don close and gave him a soft, tender kiss. "I love you, Don."  
  
"I love you, too, Charlie. And I love you, Ian."   
  
"And I love the both of you, very much," Ian said.   
  
Smiling, Charlie settled down between the two men, drawing Ian close around him. They were all sticky and covered in sweat, and he knew they should clean up before they went to sleep. But he was too exhausted physically and drained emotionally to do much about it.   
  
After a while Ian kissed them both and got up to get wet washcloths and clean them all off.   
  
Charlie made a contented, half-asleep sound, thanking Ian with a soft kiss as he was caressed with the washcloth.  
  
"Thanks, partner," Don said, giving Ian a big smile.  
  
Ian tossed the washcloths in the hamper and snuggled against the two men, drawing the sheet around them.   
  
Charlie and Don held him close. "Love you," Charlie whispered.   
  
"Love you, too, baby," Ian said. "And you, partner."  
  
He stroked Charlie's curls for a while, feeling Charlie's body slowly decend into sleep. Don had tucked his hand underneath his chin and was already sleeping soundly. Reaching back, Ian turned the light next to the bed off.   
  
….   
  
Ian woke first the next morning. He got into the shower and by the time he was out Don and Charlie were both in the kitchen, coffee in hand.   
  
"When do you need to leave?" Charlie asked quietly, tracking Ian's movements as he went to pour himself a cup of coffee, too.  
  
"Soon," Ian said, glancing at the clock. "I need to put my bag together still. You guys going to be okay while I'm gone?"   
  
"Yeah," Charlie said, sliding an arm around Don's waist. "We'll be okay."   
  
Ian kissed each man deeply, taking a moment to explore their mouths. "That's good to hear. And I'll be back as soon as I can. I promise."  
  
Smiling softly, Don nodded. "Go, pack. The sooner you leave, the sooner you'll come back to us."  
  
"Come keep me company?" Ian asked.  
  
"Of course."  
  
Don and Charlie watched, chatting quietly, as Ian packed his duffel. He kept his weapons in a separate bag in a safe in the closet, and it was always the last thing he pulled out. He zipped up his duffel and unlocked the safe, placing both bags by the door. "Well, time for me to get going," he said, biting his lip, the only sign of his underlying nervousness.  
  
Charlie and then Don each dragged him down into a last tender kiss before releasing him.   
  
"Come home soon. Be careful. I love you," Charlie said.  
  
"Goes double for me," Don added.  
  
"Will do." And with a little salute, Ian shouldered his bags and left.


End file.
